i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i was born a porn star she said
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
