her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I didn't notice because vodka
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
