I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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