Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
