Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Someone came in the potted fern
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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