You smell like a Billy Joel song
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
