I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
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All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
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The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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