when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
