I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I supernannyed him into submission
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
