According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
