Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
