No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
