i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You may now shotgun with the bride
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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