I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
