Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
They have beer where we have blood.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
