What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
