I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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