aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
