Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize