69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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