Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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