bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My Sexting was not on an AP level
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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