Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
