im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
