I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
