today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Farmville is her only friend.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
