This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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