Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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