life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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