Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize