I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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