Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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