I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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