I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize