Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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