i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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