I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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