i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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