3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
