I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
