I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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