Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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