Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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