Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
