I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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