.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
