This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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