tell your sister to shave her snatch
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
