I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
