A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
