Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
it glows. i had to have it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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