i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
