omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
