Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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